11/26/10

Finger Food Friday - F the Police

Hey all you weirdoes, freaks and lurkers. Well, it’s official, I’m 50. What the fuck! Had a killer time – a lot of my friends showed up for my shabang. Fuck! Vander, the dead body inspector, and Nevett made the trip from Brooklyn. That was straight up. Bill Lenz my jeweler came, brothers from my MC days, and a drunk Lumpy...

Talking to a rambling drunk is not high on my agenda. If he was not my brother, I would have smashed him, but he always brings back good and bad memories… like the time we all (about 6 of us) lived in Fort Liquordale, FL. It was pretty wild days then. I was shot out. We use to hang at this little gin joint called Just One More. So me, Herb the Perv, General, his chick Trottle Anne, Fonze, Lumpy, Harley Don, and the famous Vinny the Guinea. Now Vinny the Guinea is the ultimate weirdo. He had a 79 flh we use to call “The implement.” Everywhere he went, it was wide fucking open. One time, Vinny the Guinea came flying home [we all lived on the same street] coming around the corner, sparks flying off his kickstand that’s dragging on the ground. He hit the drive way, pops the door. Then seconds after, there’s a strong knock at the door. Vinny the Guinea pulls the door open like it was nailed shut. At the door was none other than the fucking cops. Vinny the Guinea yells, "WHAT" at the cop. Now let me back up because before Vinny the Guinea came home, me and Lumpy were bagging up a pound of pot for Vinny the Guinea that was his hustle. So there is me and Lumpy on the couch bagging dope on the coffee table, and Vinny the Guinea is at the door yelling at the man. What the fuck! I still can’t believe we didn’t get popped for that one. So the cop tells Vinny the Guinea "I just wanted to tell you that your kickstand is dragging on the ground." Vinny the Guinea tells him "I know. Thanks." and closes the door. I’m frozen in suspended animation, trying to figure out in my brain what just went down, when Vinny the Guinea turns around and says "Fuck that pig. I would have shot him," lifting his shirt, revealing a 357 revolver. Man, you’re out of control.

We always met at Vinny the Guinea’s pad and made plans to make the scene. We always took off like mad men. We called the driveway “the launch pad.” It had more burnouts on it than the mirror had lines. It didn’t matter where we went because we always ended the night at Just One More. That night, me and Lumpy were fucking with this chick named Duck. She was probably one of the ugliest broads I ever met. Well she wanted me and Lumpy to fuck her. I said, “the only way I’d fuck you is if you fucked Lumpy’s dog Ottis.” Well don’t this drunk ugly chick say, “ok.” What the fuck do you do now.? So at drunk-thirty, we hit the door -- me singing she’s fucking a dog! Hahahaha! As it always goes for me, I’m broke and I run out of gas. So I push my chopper to the gas station, Duck says she’ll pay for the gas so I top it off. When comes time to pay, dumb bitch is as broke as us, so I smash her in the head and she comes a charging me. Then Lumpy cuts her off with a hook. She gets up and beats up great poor Ottis. Haha. Well sure enough the man rolls up on us. I try to plead my case about the chick but he’s not buying it so he goes in to talk to the clerk. He comes out and says, “get out of here. I paid for your gas. Go home.” Cool. Well almost. Guess who makes a surprise visit. Yep -- drunk ugly chick. Seems she wants a ride home. The cop asks me if I will and I say nope. Lumpy says nope. She screams “they beat me up and were going to make me fuck his dog." The cop shoots back, “I would not let my dog fuck you.” I bust out and the cop tells us to beat it. Not a problem, officer................

1 comment:

DSVANDER said...

aparently fingers long time buddy is color blind cause at one point of the night he keeped calling me the n word.........hahahahahaha goodtimes psyched to be apart of the big 5 oh