Hey all you weirdos, freaks and lurkers... what's going on?
Well, unless you live under a rock or are that far off the grid - I'm in the middle of a snowstorm. I only got about 6 inches but the next town got 34. So, it's time to tear my chopper down and make some changes. I love being in my little shop especially now that I don't drink - kinda helps get shit done... a clear mind and sole is great to chop with, at least for me.
When we were last together I was telling you about the time me and Lumpy met Duck, the worlds ugliest broad. She looked Italian or Latino or both. She out weighed me by at least 75 lbs. Well, about two weeks after the gas station incedent we ran into her again and she was not real happy to see us. I caught her out of the corner of my eye as she hit the door - "Lumpy, guess who just walked in?" He wing his chair around to see her just as she notices us just sitting there doing our best to defeat a bottle of Jack. She beat feet towards us yelling and screaming something about walking home... Fuck, who's going to pick this bitch up? She's in Lumpy's face screaming at him when baaaaaaaam he smashes her in the face. She backs up a couple of feet and pulls a blade. Now she had my attention. I shoot up behind her while she was focused on Lumpy and disarm her. This was no pocket knife, mind you. It was a buck 119 straight blade. As she turns towards me after I snatched the blade she had death in her eyes. Just then Lumpy fires a bar stool at her sending her out the door and to the ground. That's when things got a little fuzzy for me. As I was heading out the door following Lumpy a fucking bar room hero decided he needed to intervine in our little scuffle with the Amazon woman. He smashes me in the back of the head with a beer bottle. I went out like a light on a switch. When I start to see things again Lumpy and the hero are toe to toe dukeing it out and the Amazon woman is putting the boots to me. Fuck this hurts is all I could think when I came to. I gathered myself enough to jump up and give her a leg sweep. And down goes Frasier. I sucker punch the fucking hero to give lumpy a break - turn about's fair play, right? The hero decides to let off Lumpy and pay me a visit since I got his attention, but as he's coming towards me of all things Lumpy grabs my helmet and smashes the hero in the head. Now he's the one facing a black out.
Well, you can probably guess who the next person to join in the fun was... yep - the man. Not only the man but the same man that was at the gas pump incident. Let's just say he was not real happy to see us again. As the man is trying to sort it all out the hero wakes up from his little dirt nap - he was a little bit unhappy. With me leaking tranny fluid from my head the man decides that I'm the one he needs to talk to. Me, not being a fan of the man at all, I was hesitant but the situation told me that the truth was in order - "hey man she pulled a knife on us. You want to swing like a man you better be able to duck like a man." Believe it or not the cop actually believed me. I really thought I was going to the can again. The hero, well the fucking idiot had a warrant so he went to the clink. The Duck got a trespass warning not to come back to the bar or Pompano Beach. As for me and Lumpy, we were 86'd from the bar. Fuck em FL has plenty of bars...........
Side note - Duck got her name cuz she didn't... know how to duck when fighting, that is. I ended up with the blade after the man forgot to take it only to have to throw it in the ocean after another brawl more on that one later...
Well be kool see you in the Spring.
Fingers #1 wierdo